Rewind 365

They say the way you start your year is probably how you’ll spend the rest of it, right? I think I read this somewhere. Having counted down to 2017 in a freakin’ bus and not spending the rest of the year in one or travelling, clearly, that’s bull.

Anyway, rewind 365.

I walked into 2017 with a lot of rules that I made up for myself. Mostly “Don’ts”

Don’t go back to your hometown.

Don’t take up that job that Dad helped you get.

Don’t date (keep your three year streak going).

Well, fast forward 365, I’m working at a firm that my dad helped me get through IN my hometown and dated TWO boys this year. And trust me, I’m mentioning only a few. *eyeroll*

So that puts an end to any sort of resolution in 2018. Lol.

But after a very long time I feel like I’ve actually had a good year. At the end of every year in the past, I’d just sit back and say to myself what a shitty year it’s been. But 2017 makes me look back proudly at the situations that made me grow as a person, crack up at embarrassing situations and smile at my achievements. It wasn’t a bed of roses, obviously. Even roses have thorns. Hmmm. Okay, maybe a bed of roses describes it best then.

I did travel quite a bit though not as much as the previous year. But then again, one of my most favorite trips happened this year. Diu will always remain close to my heart. It was where I became friends with the first boy I dated in the past year. But that’s not why it’s my favourite, I also connected with a girl who’s now one of my best friends. And of course, that place is so beautiful, I’d pick Diu over Goa or Pondicherry any day. Imagine living on Portuguese cuisine, meditating on roofs of churches and watching sunsets off of cliffs. Just writing about it makes me want to run back.

The transition of moving back home was the difficult phase. Those two months after, were the thorns I mentioned before. All of a sudden I wasn’t living on my own anymore and had to fall back to following the rules of my parents. I had curfews, I had to inform people of my whereabouts. I hated it. Instead of buckling up and growing my career I spent those 60 days laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and sometimes even crying myself to sleep. Because the boy I fell in love with was being an ass. Because I had just lost so much of freedom. Because the friends I lived with for a year, were 2000kms away now. I had gotten so sad (not depressed ’cause I’ve been there and this was not it) that I’d not even visit my friends whom I hadn’t seen in the past year.

Two months, that was it. Yep, that’s how I look at it now. Immediately after, I was job hunting, researching career options and attending interviews. In the third month I landed a job that was not in my field of study but super fun nonetheless. I met a variety of people here and made some great friends.

Having extended a hand of friendship to that boy, I moved on to date again.I was meeting friends again, old and new. Taking trips. Writing poems. Oh, my poetry had taken off in no time. One post on Instagram and I had people approaching me to write for them. Some of my posts were even sponsored by them. But a few weeks into light fame, I realized I wasn’t enjoying writing anymore. There was pressure, deadlines and clients to please. On one hand I was so busy I had no time to cry over any of the above. On the other, I had nothing to fall back to. Nothing to help me destress. So I stopped writing for money.

This year was also big for me because the #metoo hashtag got me writing about my child sexual abuse experience that I’d bottled up for a decade. Anonymous at first, my boyfriend motivated me to go big. A month later I had gathered up courage to talk to my parents about it (an emotional rollercoaster).

Still looking for jobs in my own field, I continued attending interviews. Nothing  seemed to click for weeks, I was either underpaid or I didn’t like the work environment. Three months into this job, I found myself desperate and attended the interview that my dad got me. Entirely out of fear that I may forget what I spent 5 years of my life learning. As much as I hated the thought of it, they loved me and hired me for a position that I’d need masters for at any other office. So I took it. Of course this job wasn’t as fun as the other and my colleagues here were much older. Initially I had developed an inferiority complex, which caused me to have panic and anxiety dreams. Inferiority because I felt like I had lost touch in my field and wasn’t good enough for them. Wasn’t qualified enough, wasn’t old enough. With time, I picked up and was back in the race.

I’m now friends with these older, more qualified colleagues and no, I don’t feel ‘not enough’ anymore.

Looking back at these 365, I’m overwhelmed just looking at my personal growth.

I got past a break up so maturely and quickly (I took 3 years the last time).

I have friends in almost all the major cities of the country and a couple abroad as well. Acquaintances mostly, but you know how it works right? The people you’ve not really been friends with but know as a person. If they visit your city for some work, they’ll get in touch with you and it’ll be like you’ll were friends since forever. Cause you tend to stop including people once you’ve made your friends circle, you can’t help it. But you still meet new people and talk and take down numbers, they all remain acquaintances till either of you’ll bump into the other in some place new. I speak of this tendancy so confidently ’cause I made 3 great friends of people I met in another city, when they came down to my city.

I write more often now, as a hobby ONLY.

I came out with a bottled up secret and lifted a huge rock off my chest.

I completed my bachelor’s with distinction.

I made peace with living in my hometown, under my parent’s roof.

Here I am now, looking back at all of these, doing the things I didn’t want to and still happy as ever. Who would’ve thought right?

This year, I counted down at my boyfriend’s place over a game of uno and some mojitos. Does that mean I’m going to spend the rest of it playing uno? Lol. Obviously not. Does that mean I’ll stay with him through the year? I hope so, but even if I don’t, I know it won’t be the worst and I’ll survive.

I walk into 2018, a blank page in front of me. No rules. No resolutions. Just a blank page waiting to be written on as the days pass. Hope you all have a great 2018!

 

 

 

 

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